Listen to Your Mother

By CBramkamp Newbie Guide, Poetry Comments Off on Listen to Your Mother

Listen to Your MotherI tried out for, and was accepted to perform in Listen To Your Mother, (from their web site):

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER features live readings by local writers on the beauty, the beast, and the barely-rested of motherhood, in celebration of Mother’s Day.

Born of the creative work of mothers who publish on-line, each production is directed, produced, and performed by local communities, for local communities.


BUT I couldn’t participate in the rehearsals, and so couldn’t be in the show, which was a bummer, but one of the reasons I couldn’t attend the rehearsal was I was busy being a mother and delivering  my son’s books, video games and stuffed animals to his new house.  Because it was his turn to store them.

I thought I’d share what I read for the audition.  The lovely ladies who listened loved the work, and I appreciate their vote of confidence.  If you are in San Francisco on May 9th, check out the reading!

The Great American Swap Meet

I have a gay son who decorates

I’ll trade for my son with three pit bulls
as long as he doesn’t criticize my wardrobe

I’ll trade my theater snob for your
horsey girl
I’ll take your lesbian cowgirl in exchange
for my bookish museum interpreter,
full disclosure: she never talks at parties
and drinks from mason jars.

I’ll take the flamboyant tour director
for your stand up comic

I will personally deliver the stand up comic
For your pregnant girl
I’ve always wanted grandchildren.

Take my novelist before she writes another
word about her mother
and I’ll take on the twins, one is a pipe fitter?

I’ll take your steel worker in exchange
for my homemaker, she still resents my career

I’ll give you both the boy and his truck in
exchange for your environmentalist

I’ll loan out the vegetarian during the holidays
do you have anyone who enjoys pheasant hunting?

I have a fisherman
do you have an college professor?

I have the professor
Full Disclosure: he will correct your grammar
you are better off with my girl
who sews quilts

I have a craft minded child who makes scrap books
do you have a child who likes to hike?

Does anyone want the king of Final Fantasy?

I’ll take your video game playing son for my
bar hopping daughter
No thanks, but I’ll see you the engineering student who
Only once called us to report
“It’s okay, the other guy’s insured.”

I’ll take the engineer and you can monitor
the peripatetic photographer
Full Disclosure: she’s in Afghanistan
you won’t want to know.

I’ll take the renovating child, that one with
paint in his beard for the child
who watches 18 versions of ESPN

I’ll take the fantasy football player,
you can have my kayaker
I’ll take the kayaker in exchange for the
spiritual seeker, he’s in India and out of cell range, no trouble at all.

I’ll take the child who longs for a family business
and you can take the one who is making his
suspicious fortune in Las Vegas

I’ll take the actor living in squalor or West Hollywood
waiting tables.
I did that once.

I’ll take the fashion designer and you can
have both my attorneys, there is too
much arguing at the table.

I’ll take the expensive child who writes home.
I’ll take the inexpensive child who forgets.
I’ll take the child who listens to our advice
sure, maybe yours.

I’ll trade you for what I got
in exchange for what I longed for
back when we were all
their age.

My poetry collection Ammonia Sunrise is available on Amazon
This poem is not in it.

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